


Geranium

by aeriamamaduck



Series: A Chain of Dragons [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Gen, Growing Up, Parenthood, Protective Siblings, Sibling Bonding, Siblings, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: He’s nine years old and he knows what he wants as soon as he realizes it.





	Geranium

There was another name, one he hasn’t used since he was a child. It never went with him, much like other things, like “she” and “her”.

 

It wasn’t their fault. They didn’t know. Mum and Da loved him from the moment he was born. Minny used to say that Da was both angry and sad in the time before his birth, but truly smiled again for the first time when Mum gave birth to him, and wouldn’t stop holding him.

 

Da spoiled him in that respect. He remembers reaching for Da, whining softly until Da beamed down at him and lifted him up high, raining kisses on his face and whispering his old name in his ear, telling him, _“You know just how to brighten my day.”_

 

Mum was no better. She’d hold him in her lap and he’d run pudgy hands over her face, finding the same freckles that began to dot his face. She’d laugh and hug him tightly, her hair making a golden curtain around them.

 

Minny was _almost_ as pretty as Mum, and loved to act like she was in charge. She started to hide her dolls as soon as he showed interest in them, and added, _“I’ll let you wear my old dresses, but only when they don’t fit me anymore.”_

 

He’d take the dresses off and toss them back on her bed, hiding beneath his blanket until one of his parents found him fast asleep. After that they just dressed him in trousers to avoid those upsets.

 

At six he sported long brown hair, which he didn’t mind much. Da’s thick black hair made it down to his waist, and Mum kept telling him how handsome he looked.

 

He looked in the mirror and liked seeing the green eyes he’d gotten from Da, which Mum said he got from his mother, the Champion of Cyrodiil. Mum and Da spoke about her a lot, but Minny didn’t like it when he asked about their grandmother.

 

_“What did she look like?”_

_“She looked like Da. Go away, I’m trying to read.”_

_“Was she called ‘Minny’ too?”_

_“No. I’m Minny. She was Minerva.”_

_“Did she like dresses?”_

_“No, she dressed like Mum, mostly. I don’t remember seeing her in a dress.”_

_“What about our grandfather? Did you meet him?”_

_“I told you before, icebrain. He died before Da was born. How was I supposed to have met him? Get out and go play, you’re bothering me!”_

 

Mum took him to a shop one day for winter clothes.

 

_“Pick anything you like, love. You’re eight years old, so it’s high time you started dressing yourself.”_

 

Weeks later, dressed in the warm clothes he’d chosen, he took long strides ahead of Mum and Minny in the snow, leaving footprints behind with his new boots as they went to meet Da at the Arcane University. When he saw Da he ran towards him, calling out excitedly.

 

Da turned and smiled when he saw them and opened his arms to his running child. Lifted into the air, he felt secure in Da’s arms until hearing a chuckle from one of Da’s fellow mages.

 

_“You’ve got yourself quite the tomboy there, Gaius.”_

 

Later on he asked Minny what “tomboy” meant. She didn’t bother looking up from her book when she answered, _“A girl who acts like a boy.”_

 

He thought about it for hours in bed that night, realizing he didn’t like being called a tomboy.

 

It would’ve been perfect if they just called him a boy.

 

Hearing the old name started to bother him as though it were a bothersome fly in his ear, and it was everywhere. He heard it at home, at school, in the streets…

 

He hated it. The worst part was that he didn’t think he could get rid of it as easily as he got rid of the dresses.

 

Sometimes he thinks about asking Mum to cut his hair, but there are mornings when he slows down and watches Da at his mirror, trimming his beard and combing the tangles out of his hair.

 

He starts to ask questions. He starts committing it all to memory.

 

“Do you really like having long hair, Da?”

 

“I love it,” came the immediate reply. “I’ve never had the heart to cut it after it started growing longer. You know your grandmother’s hair was almost as long as mine when she died. It was beautiful, and I loved to brush it when I was your age.”

 

Of course it’s not the last time he feels apprehension about the length of his hair, but for the moment he starts to think hard about everything, and what else he wants.

 

He’s nine years old and he knows what he wants as soon as he realizes it.

 

Cesare

 

He can’t answer to the old name anymore. It’s worse than a bothersome fly now, especially when it comes from his parents’ mouths. They love him, he knows this better than anything, but it’s so hard to keep answering to a name that belongs to a girl, someone he isn’t.

 

He moves on to the same school as his sister, who has grown more beautiful in her adolescence. At thirteen, her skin is fair, her hair golden, her blue-green eyes striking, and she’s slim and tall. Everything about her fits, while he’s still looked at as a tomboy by everyone they know.

 

But this school will have new people, with maybe a handful who have known him all his life.

 

He has to ask this of his sister, at least. He does it as they approach the building.

 

“Min, call me Cesare when we get to school.”

 

She gives him a perplexed look. “Why?”

 

“Just do it, Min! Please!”

 

She doesn’t question him further. In fact she tells him to wait while she speaks to his instructor, out of earshot.

 

He thanks the gods when he hears his name called out that day, and he starts introducing himself to everyone as Cesare.

 

At home he’s hit with the cold reality of his parents calling him by the other name and he barely eats. He excuses himself early and works on arithmetic, not bothering to try and eavesdrop on the hushed talking going on downstairs. Minny’s probably talking about her lessons, showing off the magic she’s learned.

 

His parents knock on his door and he lets them in, and when they sit across from him on the edge of Minny’s bed he thinks he’s in trouble. His father asked in his warm, gentle voice, “Minny told us about the name you picked out for yourself.”

 

“Am I in trouble?”

 

His mother quickly answered, “No. No, you’re not, love. We just wish we’d known, or else we would’ve stopped…calling you by another name.”

 

“I thought you’d be mad,” he said, staring at his knees as his cheeks flushed.

 

“Never.” He looks up at his father’s face and only finds love and understanding there. “Cesare…Do you feel like you’re a boy?”

 

He smiles at the sound of his father saying his name, but bites his lip before answering, “I…don’t think I was ever a girl. I always felt like I was a boy.”

 

It feels good to tell them. Better than beating Minny across the bridge to Weye.

 

His mother smiles reassuringly and gets up to embrace him tightly. “Then you’re our boy. It just took us all a while to realize it.”

 

“So I can be a boy?” he asks them both, hope in his eyes.

 

His father gazes down at him with eyes as green as his, and he kneels down to crush him to his chest. “Yes. And we’ll help you out. You don’t have to keep it secret. I love you, Cesare. You’re my son and you make me proud.”

 

Later on he hugs Minny for a long time, repeatedly thanking her until her face grows red.


End file.
